First came the summons 'I want you to do ---- for me,
you are the only person to do it and you don't need any help,
off you go then... '. What was said came out in such a way
as I could not say 'Thank you, but no'. The task truly required
assistance but my adviser was distracted, advising people
like him in their choice of drinks and entertainments.
His lack of support left me 1-in the wrong to him,
as I saw it, and 2-in his debt as far as he would look,
since he had not got what he believed he had was owed.
The longer we did not talk the more the silence compounded
his advantage, trapping me tighter in his unforgiveness.
Finally when the help arrived that was mine by right
it was too late to be useful, the best help only works best
when applied to a cleaner slate than I could provide.
I was too tired, from being too much in debt, to be helped
by the support which would have helped me recover
were I better placed sooner. The ill intent
I was forced to accept was mine for the rest of my life.
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